His Immensity, Lord Balthazar Longbody
Chairhound. State biscuits, upper shelves, one constitutional eyebrow
Office of Enormous Consequence, Weekdays Division
Meetthe GreatDanes
At 9:03 on an otherwise respectable morning, Tuesday disappeared. Not a meeting on Tuesday. Tuesday itself. The Great Household assembled beneath the tallest available dog and opened Case 0001: The Day That Had Gone Somewhere.
Begin the investigation ↓
Role of the investigators
Four Great Danes were appointed because they were already in the room and looked official. Lady Mildred interviewed the cushions, Colonel Waffle questioned a stick, and Bernard barked at the doorbell before it rang. This was either excellent detective work or breakfast.
Role of Lord Balthazar
Lord Balthazar Longbody is Chairhound, Defender of the Sofa, and the only Dane permitted to raise the Constitutional Eyebrow. He raised it at 9:04. The Household gasped. A teaspoon fell over in the pantry.
Chairhound and chief suspect
His Immensity had not misplaced Tuesday, he explained, because at the relevant time he was conducting a biscuit inspection with his mouth. Still, his left eyebrow knew something. It pointed at the sofa, then at the pantry, then at the sofa again because eyebrows have a limited vocabulary.
Suspects, detectives, and one stick
“Nobody leaves until we find Tuesday,” declared Lord Balthazar. Nobody had planned to leave. Great Danes are very good at occupying a doorway and less good at making it usable.
Lady Mildred Crumb, Duchess of Strategic Napping
Cushions, continuity, waking up with the correct answer
Colonel Waffle, Keeper of the Ceremonial Stick
Park diplomacy, stick protocol, three imaginary medals
Bernard Bellweather, Comptroller of Sudden Doorbells
Arrivals, forecasts, barking exactly three seconds early
Other deeply suspiciousDanes
Lady Mildred reported a dream in which Tuesday rolled under the sofa wearing a gravy boat as a hat. Colonel Waffle called this ridiculous, chiefly because he had already accused the gravy boat. Bernard barked. BONNNNG! went the bell, three seconds later and slightly embarrassed.
↓Evidence from the constitutional eyebrow
at 4:11 THE EYEBROW POINTED beneath the SOFA where TUESDAY WAS FOUND withTHREE BISCUITS and the GOOD SCISSORS
TUESDAY WAS RETURNED to the CALENDAR between MONDAY and WEDNESDAY. IT WAS DUSTY but UNHARMED and REFUSED TO EXPLAIN THE BISCUITS
Further consequences
Colonel Waffle and the gravy boat
The Colonel has cleared the gravy boat of wrongdoing but continues to describe it as “smug around the handles.”
Read the statementCase 0001 is closed. Lord Balthazar received a medal he had commissioned himself; Lady Mildred was promoted while asleep; Bernard was asked to stop forecasting the bell. At 4:14, Wednesday failed to report for duty.
Lady Mildred knew all along
Her Grace's official account is available as an eighteen-page nap transcript. Page twelve is a small snore. It is considered the strongest evidence.
Examine the evidence